Watching “Nanny 911” on Fox on Wednesday nights really makes
me feel better. Really! Real nannies come into a home
to help real parents “restructure” their child-rearing skills. I
find the writers of the show have done their research on child development. Below
are some of the ideas presented as well as information from additional
resources. Many of you may already be employing these in your home
with your children. If you are using these ideas already, congratulations! If
not, here they are for you to consider. Here goes.
- Schedules. We need them, children do too. Not
set down to the minute, but consistent rhythms in their lives. Rhythms
help them feel confident of what is going to happen next. Try
to keep to their schedules as best as possible on the weekends so that
their timing is not too disrupted. For our small ones rhythm
promotes calmness because our stress (which they feel) can be reduced
when we stay on schedule.
- The home is a “business,” and needs to be handled
as one. What is meant is that our home, in order to
run smoothly, must have a team of players sharing the many duties
it takes to run the home. Our children benefit in so many ways
by taking on age appropriate responsibilities. This can start
even with toddlers and preschoolers. What is age appropriate? Little
ones can always “help” with housework, even if it is
no more than pulling laundry out of the dryer and handing it to you
or putting pairs of socks in a drawer. Show them how to handle
little things and thank them for helping. They are more
likely to grow into confident and competent school age children when
given the opportunity to help in the home. Add on duties as
they get older so that everyone has a fair role to play in your family.
- Family should be a “refuge.” We
know this instinctively. As our children learn to communicate
let them know who and what their family is, and what its values are. “The
Murray’s value the dignity of other people.” What
does your family value? Communicate that often to your children,
in everyday ways, without preaching. “We always use kind
voices with each other.” The Vega’s are honest people.” “In
the Williams family we always do what we say we are going to do.” And
then, of course, we must be what we say we are, because our children
are always watching for consistency, and can recognize at an early
age when we aren’t. Warning. If
our home IS NOT a refuge we have work to do, and must do it now.
- Not too many choices please. Open-ended
questions to young ones are too difficult for them to answer, and are
likely to confuse them and stress their parents. When planning
what a three or four year old is going to wear pull out no more than
two outfits. “Which would you like to wear, this one or
this one?” Or if there is an option for a sandwich, “which
would you rather, peanut butter and jelly or cheese?” This
is also a great strategy for behaviors you are trying to reduce, like
whining. “I’m sorry, we don’t stamp our feet
and whine, you may stop now and go outside and play or you may sit
in your room with no toys, which is your choice?”
- Don’t hold on too tight. Again, our
efforts as parents should always be focused on fostering a child’s
growing confidence, competence, and healthy independence. When
we handle for them what they are capable of handling themselves we
foster dependency. A two or three year old can start dressing
himself (no they have little sense of color and style yet.) Let
them do what they are capable of and assist when needed. Back
off as they learn more until they are handling it on their own. Let
them know the good job they are doing. If you have more
than one child the older ones can be mentors, helping their younger
siblings when appropriate.
Remember, parenthood is like a marathon journey, not a sprint. We
are traveling towards a finish line that can be defined as seeing our
children move into responsible young adulthood. There is a pace
to set and a strategy to get to that finish line. As parents we
set the pace of our family, and our children want to, and will follow. It
takes stamina, endurance, and fortitude to complete the journey. See
you at the finish line. |